The joke is ours. The timeline isn't.
Everything below comes from ProPublica's September 22, 2026 investigation, "The FBI Anti-Corruption Squad Was Circling Susan Collins — Until Trump Got in the Way." Read the original; it's worth it.
The short version
The CEO of Navatek, a defense contractor that received Navy research funding with help from Senator Collins' office, made illegal contributions to Collins' campaign and to a super PAC supporting her. He went to prison. He then told the FBI the donations were part of a broader pay-to-play arrangement. Agents wanted to open a bribery investigation that included Collins. According to ProPublica, it never went forward after those agents were pushed out in 2025. Collins' office denies any wrongdoing, and no one working for her was charged.
Timeline
- Summer 2018
The FBI spots CEO Martin Kao's "out-of-the-blue donations," just before Collins includes $8 million for Navatek's proposal, a boat-hull research project, in the defense budget.
- 2019
Navatek's priorities appear on page 185 of a 307-page Senate Appropriations Committee report, which sets aside $21.5 million for "hybrid composite structures research for enhanced mobility." Kao also routes about $33,000 to Collins through relatives acting as illegal straw donors.
- Late 2019
A top Collins fundraiser walks into what ProPublica calls "a perilous meeting" at a Corner Bakery in Washington. Afterward, Kao sends $150,000 to 1820 PAC, the super PAC supporting Collins, through a shell company called the "Society of Young Women Scientist and Engineers."
- Seven days later
A staffer for the super PAC's chair emails a Navatek lobbyist asking for Kao's phone number: "Senator Collins would like to call Martin to thank him."
- February 2020
A few weeks after the check clears, Kao's team meets with Collins' office. Kao reports back to colleagues: "We were very warmly received. Excellent meeting. Total of $32M will be supported."
- 2020 to 2022
The FBI's anti-corruption squad investigates Kao. Collins' office says the illegal contributions were returned in 2021. Kao is charged over the contributions and, separately, COVID-era loan fraud, and pleads guilty in both cases in fall 2022.
- 2022 to September 2024
In FBI interviews, Kao hands over a 50-page document describing what he calls a "pay-to-play operation" involving lobbyists, congressional staff, and members of Congress. He claims the company's work for the government "was of no real value."
- Late 2024
Agents believe they have enough to seek a broader bribery investigation involving several members of Congress, including Collins.
- 2025
The Justice Department's Public Integrity Section collapses in February. Kao is sentenced to 87 months in prison. One of the lead agents is fired in October. ProPublica's verdict: "The investigation sparked by Kao's revelations is dead."
- 2026
Collins is running for reelection in a race that could decide control of the Senate.
What Collins' side says
Collins' office "vigorously" denies allegations of bribery and pay-for-play and calls Kao's claims "outlandish." Her deputy chief of staff told ProPublica the campaign was not part of discussions with the super PAC, that the office fully cooperated with the FBI, and that "these issues were resolved in 2021 and concluded when the Collins campaign disgorged the illegal contributions that Martin Kao had made without our knowledge."
The super PAC's chair denied communicating with Collins or her staff about Kao or Navatek.
What we don't know
Kao's broader allegations come from a man convicted of fraud and illegal contributions, and they were never tested, because the investigation did not proceed. No member of Congress or congressional staffer has been charged. This site is satire. It does not claim that Senator Collins accepted a bribe; it jokes about how the sequence of events reported by ProPublica looks.
So why 2%?
$150,000 ÷ $8,000,000 = 1.875%
We rounded up. That's the whole formula. It is a joke about proportions, not a claim that anyone set a price.
Do something real
Read the full ProPublica story, look up 1820 PAC's filings at the FEC, or tell Senator Collins' office what you think.